Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Text me some of your sweat
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
