i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
