At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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