You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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