So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
