I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
