you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
