God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
