i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
