I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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