Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
