i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
