My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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