There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
