i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
