dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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