you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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