Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Green mimosas i think yes
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
