does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
