Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize