:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Randomize
