You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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