i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
