I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
