So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
