There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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