I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
