hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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