all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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