i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
