Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
