i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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