I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
