Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
