I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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