man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she smelled like a LAN party
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
