is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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