so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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