just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
