There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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