Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
