I hate your face
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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