My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
