Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
