if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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