i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Operation Purity has been aborted
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
