you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
