he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
