It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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