we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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