That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
