Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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