quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
