Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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