I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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