I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
two words...techno handjob
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
