I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Your penis caused this!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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