i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
