so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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