Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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