I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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