K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
