duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
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I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
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i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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