Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
