yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She bit a glass in half.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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