just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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