i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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