Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Everything about him screamed your future.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
